How to enjoy the meal together

You’ve planned, shopped, and cooked. Dinner is ready. If you haven’t done it already, now is the time to train your troops.

The table is a training ground. It is ripe with lessons, but you have to be the teacher. Train their palates with a variety of nutritious food. Give them chores so that everyone works together to set it up and clean it up. Give them a code of behavior to follow when they sit down at the table. All of these things take time and patience to perfect, but they are all life lessons in how to work together and how to treat people you love.

PICKY EATERS, FOOD SEPARATISTS, AND THE TINY TASTE RULE

By the time they turn 12, most children have moved beyond plain food. Before that happens, you can respect the picky ones and the ones who demand their food be served not touching by serving them plain versions of what you cook. Leave off the sauce. Separate the meat from the rice and vegetables. A little ketchup is okay. Give them small portions of new foods or foods they don’t like. Require them to try a “tiny taste” of everything on their plate and then let them decide how much of it to eat.

My mantra: Remain calm. My job is to cook one dinner; their job is to eat it. Everyone has to take a tiny taste. If they don’t like it, they can eat from the 3 Bowls. They will not starve when there is food in front of them.

THE 3 BOWLS

Dinner hardly ever pleases everyone. Every night, there are 3 bowls on the table to supplement the dinner I’ve cooked: a green salad, raw vegetables with dip, and fresh fruit. These healthy offerings supplement what I’ve cooked and give everyone something to eat when they truly do not like the meal.

MANNERS

Children come to us as savages. Left to their own devices, they will turn dinner into a feeding trough and ruin the meal for everyone. They must be taught how to be considerate of others especially at the table.

Table rules help everyone enjoy their meal. Start with the basics and work up from there. Enforce the rules consistently but gently, and always praise them when they do it right. Here is a suggested place to start:

Wash your hands
Put your napkin in your lap
Use your utensils, not your fingers – unless you are a toddler
Take small bites and chew with your mouth closed – slurping and smacking noises are de facto evidence of open-mouth eating. This is very unpleasant.
Always say “please” and “thank you”
Never complain about the food – if there is something you find repulsive on your plate, take your tiny taste and keep your thoughts to yourself. Critical comments spoil it for others.
Talk in an “indoor voice” – you are at the table, not the playground
No “rude” behavior – Fighting, throwing food, making “gagging” noises, kicking, or teasing is flagrant bad behavior and is punishable by an automatic time out.
No screens, phones, or books at the table – you are here to enjoy the meal together, like it or not.
Don’t feed the dog your dinner – this is not good for the dog, plus, it encourages drooling, begging, and barking.

A note about tantrums: Dinner time is a rough time of the day for children. They are tired and fussy. The little ones throw tantrums. Expect it. When it happens, stop what you are doing and remove the child to a safe place (his room) where he can have his fit without spoiling the meal for everyone else. Tell him to come back when he’s done and then give him a big hug when he does. (This strategy has always worked very well for our family)

CONVERSATION

The family table is a golden opportunity to connect. Be present. Think of ways to engage your children. Talk about things that they like. Bring something with you to the table like an article from the sports section, a joke, a cartoon, or a thought for the day. LIsten.

THE FINALE: CLEANING UP
Give everyone an age-appropriate job. When they are old enough, each child can clean up his place, rinse his dishes, and put them into the dish washer. They can even clean the pots and pans, wipe the counters, and sweep.